Well it dawned on me today, I only have one more week before I begin training for my first 5k. I know, I had the goal to run on in November. Needless to say, that didn't happen. My new goal is April 16th and I have a seven week plan to get ready. I'm scared, really scared. Not of running, I can make myself do that. It's the fact that I'm not very fast nor have I EVER run any where near that much in my life. When I say ever I mean: the farthest I've run is one mile and it's been three years since I have done that. That said, my fear has nothing to do with the running. My fear is that not only will I come in dead last, but that it will be fifteen minutes after everyone else has run. I have an almost daily conversation with myself about this. "You're running, that's what is important, people (yes, I'm concerned about my image an those around me) won't care, they will be impressed that you are out there trying" "No they won't, they'll see me and think, this girl is crazy to do this, she's no runner, she probably can't even walk the three miles, let alone run it." "The point is to run and to finish. You will be able to say you did it. No one else matters." "Yeah, I know, but...."
On and on it goes. It's a silly, irrational fear but it's there in the back of my mind each time I go out. Who is seeing me, what are they thinking. I need to let it go. I need to do this for me no matter what and stop using that as an excuse. But...(as my sister would there, there is always a big but...) it's there.