Sunday, September 26, 2010

Can an addiction like this be fought?

I was studying and thinking today, mostly about our ability to choose and what we do with that agency. It's an interesting concept. I watch my daughters and they have two very different personalities; one (Sunshine) very outgoing, free with smiles and tears. My other (Squeaker), very mellow. I know she's only a few months old, but by this time Sunshine was grinning and laughing. Point? I believe we come here with certain traits already innate. One of mine is an addictive personality. I repeat things over and over. As a child, I remember carnival games sucking me in, much like gambling for some. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol as a means of comfort, something familiar that they can lose themselves in. I never tried them, my personal beliefs kept me safe from that. However, I did turn to something else, food. When I'm sad, tired, excited, happy, whenever I just need a boost, I go for food. It doesn't have to be sweets, I have binged on fruits and vegetables until my stomach hurts. I have the hardest time saying no to anything, and I always want more. I'm not using this as an excuse. Yes, I crave the constant feeling of an overfull stomach, but I've done this to myself. Addictions can be overcome. Does that mean I have to work harder than some? Of course, but so does anyone who has given in to their physical control and let it run their life. Does this realization change anything? No, it's not an excuse. The fact of the matter is, I need to work on overcoming this. I need to develop my self-control, making different choices and avoiding things I know will trigger a binge. I've figured out a few. Being aware I think will help as I try to become more healthy. I was born with a pre-disposition for obsessing and with the genetic risk of obesity, but this does not take away my ability to choose, to decide if I am going to take care of myself or not. I can make this choice, there is no excuse, only a bit more work. I'm worth it.

I'm back

My daughter made it. She is beautiful and worth every bit of pain it took to get her here. It's now been two months and I'm way overdue to begin taking care of myself. First things first, I have a goal. Nov. 20th my community is having a turkey trot. My goal? Run the mile. It may sound small, but I haven't done this in over three years. I think it's time. When I ran my first mile ever, it was in twelve minutes. I'm planning on matching that. I've gotten a jogging stroller so I can take the two kids with me. This will definitely be a new experience. I'm not sure how hard it will be to run with or what really to expect. If anyone reads this, what are your thoughts? Have you run with one before? Any tips on maintaining form and getting a good workout? I know I can do this.
Goal #1 run one mile in twelve minutes by November 20th