It's mine, all mine!!!!

It's coming.....Soon, this will be the view at my house.  Winter is coming and guess what, I'm a wimp in the cold.  There are so many studies saying how good exercising in the cold is for you(as long as you do it correctly) But honestly, I hate the cold.  This, of course, puts a damper on my running goals.  Sure I could bundle up and brave the weather as so many other die-hard runners do....but as mentioned above, I'm a wimp.  What is a heat loving girl to do?  What I've been doing since August....find a treadmill. Well, last week I finally did it. I found a used one that wasn't to beaten up for a reasonable price and now I can run without fear of old man winter.

There she is.  She even folds up so I can have my craft room and my exercise room.  I found another benefit...more time with my girls.  I know I bought the double jogging stroller to take them with me, but due to   life, I don't have as much one on one time with them as I would like.  I hate taking even more of it to go for a run.  This could only happen when they were both awake and happy anyway, a very rare thing.  So now, 5:30 every morning my alarm goes off and I take 30 minutes to myself while they sleep to work out.  I'm not anywhere near where I want to be, my legs and muscles are so weak that going at a speed of 3.5 nearly turns them to jelly.  Each day I need to work a bit harder so I can run again!

Not so much fun

So my annual fall cold has settled in, which makes running out.  I can barely breath and the day is punctuated by what should be sneezing fits.  I would LOVE it if that would actually happen, but no.  My body likes to tease me.  My nose starts to tickle, the tension builds up and.....nothing, my eyes start looking like I just watched a good chick flick and my nose turns into a waterfall.  Long story short, I don't feel good.  The really bad news, besides not being able to exercise, is I'm one of those illogical people that when they feel horrible instead of eating healthy foods and taking better care of themselves, eat junk.  This weekend gave me plenty opportunity.  Halloween and I were good friends, but I'm feeling it now.  Time to go buy some orange juice and Sudafed.  Maybe I should take a nap too........

My first mile

Many evenings my husband and I load the girls up in the stroller and go for a walk.  A nice leisurely stroll that entertains Sunshine and calms Squeaker for the night.  Every night we go I think, "there's my exercise for the day, I'm doing so good."   Yup, time after time I lie to myself.  Don't get me wrong.  It's good to take a walk, something is always better than nothing.  However, if my ultimate goal is to run a marathon, well.....yeah, need something more.  So today I started.  I walked a five minute warm up, then came my first sprint.  Only fifteen seconds into it, my legs were on fire and my lungs felt like they were going to burst.  I thought this over and over again.  I pushed for sixty seconds then began my two minute recovery walk (remember, I haven't run for almost three years and I've put on about sixty pounds since the last time) and I decided I could do this.  I just can't think about it hurting.  Ninety percent of the pain was in my mind anyway and as long as I pushed, I would get to the other side.  By the third sprint I couldn't "feel" any pain.  In fact, I felt good.  My body began to remember how to run.  My legs moved and pushed and it was amazing.  Twenty-five minutes later and I was back home.  Sixteen minutes.  That's how long it took me to go a mile.  My first mile in three years.  Now, I didn't run the whole time, but I will work up to that.  Little by little I will make it.

My new friend

Biggest Loser. I think it might be an obessession of mine. Week after week watching people lose all that weight, it's a miracle. Many times I think if I were just there, it would make all the difference. Someone watching my every move, pushing me harder than I ever thought possible. Yeah, if I just had that I could do anything. Then I see Jillian screaming and swearing at everyone....I would meltdown constantly. I really would be the one crying in every shot. I don't do well with pressure.
Anyway, it is a good motivator. Today (I know it's not Tuesday. Hulu. Nuff said) I was watching and was reminded of the most basic principle of weight loss: calories in, calories out. The more you consume the more you have to work to burn it all, the more you burn the more weight you will lose. Well, I hate tracking those things. Books take too long and I never know how many calories I burn when I work out (plus I hate math and waiting till the end of the day to add it all up makes underestimating my calories in very easy). I'd love to get the trackers that you just wear all day, but they're a little too spendy for my budget right now. So what's a girl to do?
 I found a website called My fitness pal It has a huge data base of food and their nutrition facts, including brand names so you don't have to guess if it's close to what you are using. It sets a calorie intake goal for you and then as you add things it shows exactly how much more you can eat. Best thing about it? There are apps for your phone. Yup, you don't have to be tied to your computer to keep track(just to your cell phone, but aren't we all at this point anyway?) that way you can enter as you eat and decide if that extra helping will really fit in or not.
It also has a place for exercise.  You pick the workout and how long you did it and it gives you how many calories you've burned.  Of course, this is an estimate, but at least you get an idea.
I'm still pretty new to it and there are a ton of aspects that I haven't explored yet. I'm loving it so far though and plan to keep using it.

Can an addiction like this be fought?

I was studying and thinking today, mostly about our ability to choose and what we do with that agency. It's an interesting concept. I watch my daughters and they have two very different personalities; one (Sunshine) very outgoing, free with smiles and tears. My other (Squeaker), very mellow. I know she's only a few months old, but by this time Sunshine was grinning and laughing. Point? I believe we come here with certain traits already innate. One of mine is an addictive personality. I repeat things over and over. As a child, I remember carnival games sucking me in, much like gambling for some. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol as a means of comfort, something familiar that they can lose themselves in. I never tried them, my personal beliefs kept me safe from that. However, I did turn to something else, food. When I'm sad, tired, excited, happy, whenever I just need a boost, I go for food. It doesn't have to be sweets, I have binged on fruits and vegetables until my stomach hurts. I have the hardest time saying no to anything, and I always want more. I'm not using this as an excuse. Yes, I crave the constant feeling of an overfull stomach, but I've done this to myself. Addictions can be overcome. Does that mean I have to work harder than some? Of course, but so does anyone who has given in to their physical control and let it run their life. Does this realization change anything? No, it's not an excuse. The fact of the matter is, I need to work on overcoming this. I need to develop my self-control, making different choices and avoiding things I know will trigger a binge. I've figured out a few. Being aware I think will help as I try to become more healthy. I was born with a pre-disposition for obsessing and with the genetic risk of obesity, but this does not take away my ability to choose, to decide if I am going to take care of myself or not. I can make this choice, there is no excuse, only a bit more work. I'm worth it.

I'm back

My daughter made it. She is beautiful and worth every bit of pain it took to get her here. It's now been two months and I'm way overdue to begin taking care of myself. First things first, I have a goal. Nov. 20th my community is having a turkey trot. My goal? Run the mile. It may sound small, but I haven't done this in over three years. I think it's time. When I ran my first mile ever, it was in twelve minutes. I'm planning on matching that. I've gotten a jogging stroller so I can take the two kids with me. This will definitely be a new experience. I'm not sure how hard it will be to run with or what really to expect. If anyone reads this, what are your thoughts? Have you run with one before? Any tips on maintaining form and getting a good workout? I know I can do this.
Goal #1 run one mile in twelve minutes by November 20th

History Part II

After I returned from my mission, I kept up the running and found a new way to look at food. I ate healthy, meaning portion control, and had treats whenever I needed them, but not too much. The weight continued to come off and for the first time I could ever remember, I weighed below two hundred pounds. It was such an amazing milestone, I couldn't believe it. I felt incredible. I had worked myself up to almost two miles of running trying to get ready for a 5k. I had never felt so good, and then it only got better, I met an amazing man and we were married. Only two months after the wedding, I found out I was expecting our first child. So many emotions ran through me during those nine months. I wanted to be healthy for my family. I never want for any of my children to suffer the sadness that I did as a child. Unfortunately, I also dealt with some baby blues and felt all the old emotions and cravings coming back. And I gave in. It was so much easier to not think about things and just do what made me feel better. Then I convinced myself that I was too busy to worry about exercising. I had a new baby, and we decided to build a house. I never lost the baby weight (by the way, don't listen to people who say "go ahead and eat it, your pregnant, do what you want" it's not true) and with all the stress and my old habits I put on even more. By the time we found out we were expecting our second child I was back up to 240 pounds. All the weight I had lost, all the work, was gone. This pregnancy has gone much better, I made a goal not to gain any weight. Even though I have not accomplished this, I have only put on 15. Much better than the 35 the first time around. As of this post I have only four weeks left and I am deciding now to make some changes. Not only in my eating habits, but in my physical fitness as well. I want my children to be healthy, to make good choices in food and truly enjoy exercise. I want to be able to say, "I've run a marathon" and by the end of this blog, I will have done so. There will be lots of little goals to help me along the way and I will do it!

A little history lesson

To begin this blog I thought I'd better tell you what it is about. My name is Elizabeth. My whole life I have been overweight. Growing up was hard, there was a constant awareness of my size, I avoided sitting on buses, rides,anywhere that I might not fit. I can remember going shopping with my mom when I was twelve and having to not only shop in the women's section, but in the plus-size women's. Today wouldn't be quite as bad, retail stores have figured out that just because you are fat doesn't mean you have to wear a mu-mu, but I still cringe each time I hear a mom tell her little girl, "I'm sorry honey, that outfit is just too small for you." Fast forward a few years. At twenty-one I decided to serve a mission for my church. This would involve a LOT of walking so I began to eat a little better and exercise. My weight in those eighteen months went from the highest it had ever been to the lowest I could remember. Toward the end (this is where the marathon part comes in) I was working with an amazing girl who had been a runner all her life. I was intrigued. Running was always something I completely avoided. Not only because I had never run more that a few blocks in my life, but because...well, when you run you jiggle, and I was particularly jiggly. However, the past eighteen months I had been doing things I never thought I could and it had given me confidence, I didn't worry so much about what people saw when they looked at me but how I felt. I felt I could run. At first I could do no more than two minutes without gasping, but gradually I began to increase the amount I time that I ran, pushing a little harder each day. After four weeks I did something I thought impossible, I ran a mile. Without stopping. It took me thirteen minutes, and I almost passed out, but I did it. I decided then that my ultimate goal would be a marathon. I didn't know when, but I was going to run a marathon at some point in my life.